Time to blog.
Time to tell my story.
I am a writer, have been since the day I was born.
Too bad it has taken me 38 years to find this out about myself.
After a long journey of experimental living I have come to the conclusion that life is too short not to do what you love.
Experimental living you ask? Well up until about 2 years ago I was only really floating through this life of mine never really allowing myself to be present in my life. I spent most of my time worrying about what someone’s opinion of me was or what would happen in the future and was never really enjoying what was right in front of me.
What happened two years ago was profound, overwhelming and simplistic in its nature. I lost and found a very special man. My father, Roger, passed on to another realm of only God knows where and I had to find a way to make peace with that. He was 63 and I was 36. I was not ready for my children to lose their grandfather. I thought it was so cruel that they would have to grow up into this world without their poppy. My grandparents loved me like no other on this earth. It was a shame that they would not get to feel that kind of love. I was angry about that.
Unsure as to what to do with my anger and how all our lives would turn out after my dad passed was tough to get through. We all knew months before he passed that he was dying, he had pancreatic cancer and was handed a death sentence upon hearing the news.
February 2010 was the month, the year my life changed forever. My mother called from two provinces away to tell me the thing no one ever wants to hear. My father, my dad had cancer. It was not looking good. I felt like I had been living in a snow globe and someone had just turned me upside down but instead of flecks of snow falling on my head it was little messages from God saying, “What are you going to do now missy?”
My life moving forward from that moment took on some drastic changes. Feelings that had never been felt before and heartache that burned my soul was all too familiar in the coming days ahead. I honestly did not know how I would get through such an ordeal or how my boys, my fathers grandchildren would be able to cope. For a long time I was just spinning. Spinning without a clue as to when I would be able to stop. Standing still did not seem like an option.
Then one day the help I needed was right there in front of me on my best friends kitchen counter. The Power of Intention, by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Since then I have felt an overwhelming need to tell my story of how Dr. Dyer inspired and helped me through the absolute worse year of my life. It is not an easy journey through grief and back. It can be a long road that can go on and on without an end in sight. Through my journey I have learned a lot. I know that yes the road is long but there are many beautiful things along the way and that you just need to keep your heart, mind and spirit open. That is what Dr. Dyer did for me.
Through my blog I will tell you my story, my journey over those next two years and how it has lead me to to my here and now, to my present moment. It is hard to write about sometimes as there is still a lot of emotion built up behind it but my hope is that my words will in turn give you hope, joy and maybe even some understanding as to how losing someone can also give you great strength. Strength that you never thought you had.